Santana Has a Plan
by myhummelberryheart
Summary: Santana keeps very detailed notes. Set in fourth season. Hummelberry friendship/possible relationship, Brittana mentions. Hummelpezberry friendship


AN: A semi-short piece I wrote for fun. I was always amused by the idea of Santana helping out her "family." :)

* * *

Rachel frankly was a little scared when she saw Santana sitting at the kitchen table with note cards and a large white board sitting on a stand next to her. If she needed to write out a plan of attack, it had to be something _big_.

"Come sit," she said, patting a chair as Rachel closed the door behind her. "Kurt with you?"

The brunette shook her head. "He has work till 11."

"Damn."

"Wonders of trying to live a life of fashion and be a theatre student."

"No wonder he takes Ambien."

"Yeah well, the idiot can't make up his mind what he wants."

"Explains why Adam didn't stay around longer than he did."

"I hate that. Adam was a sweetie," said Rachel taking out a bottle of water from the fridge.

"The boy is caught up on someone," mumbled Santana.

"Blaine of course," sighed Rachel. "He-"

"Uh, no."

Rachel looked surprised at that. "But-"

"Kurt has moved on from Blaine," said the Latina. "Which this new endeavor just proves how wishy-washy he is with every decision he makes in his life."

The brown haired diva frowned at that. "Usually Kurt is pretty solid in the decisions he makes."

Santana smirked at that. "Sorry sweetie, my Mexican third eye tells me something is up."

Rachel sat up straighter. "So who is it? Is it somebody at NYADA?"

"...Yes."

"Well, that would make sense," said Rachel, thinking. "But who? He really hasn't been talking about seeing anyone. He's been staying in with us a lot lately."

"Exactly."

"But that doesn't make any sense," said Rachel. "Santana-"

"Am I really going to have to come out and say it Berry?" said the girl with a sigh. "The boy likes _you_."

Rachel's eyes went wide and she scoffed at the statement.

"Kurt's my best friend. He doesn't like me that way Santana. He likes boys."

"Hence my statement on him being wishy-washy."

"I think you need to wash your third eye," said Rachel. "It's seeing things that aren't there."

"Oh really?" said Santana with a smirk. She pointed to her note cards and white board.

"So let's start with Exhibit A-"

_(an hour later)_

"- and down here on the bottom, is the number of times with photographs, might I add, that..."

"Okay, okay. Stop," said Rachel, waving her hands to cease the demonstration. "I get that you've seen a lot of things. Coincidences at best. But there's no way Kurt likes me... like that."

Santana flipped over her notes and her board. "Alright then. If you don't believe that Kurt likes you, then why don't we talk about your own love for one Kurt Hummel then hmm?"

"I don't like Kurt like that," sighed Rachel, throwing her hands up. "Kurt's is my best friend."

"Like Brittany is _my_ best friend?"

"That's completely different," said Rachel. "Kurt and I are _just_ best friends. Soul mates even."

"You do realize that doesn't help your argument at all, don't you?"

Rachel sighed and shook her head, standing up. "I have homework to do."

"And I have a point to prove," said Santana. "Sit. Now let's start here with how many times you've complimented Kurt's ass in his jeans or pants..."

_(another hour later)_

The brunette shook her head as she looked over Santana's notes, a little stunned.

"You are thorough."

"Years of being a spy for Sue Sylvester."

"Kurt and I-"

"Wow, this is first time you've used both of your names together in this whole conversation. I'm impressed Berry. This is progress."

Rachel bit her lip. "Kurt and I can't like each other like that. We just can't be romantic."

Santana shrugged. "Why not?"

"What do you think the others would say if he had to come out again and say that he liked me or even admit that he might be bisexual... or whatever? I mean... can you imagine at the least how Finn would react?"

The Latina shrugged. "He'll just have to get over himself."

"While I am impressed with your complete and utter evaluation of my and Kurt's interactions, I don't think-"

There was the sound of a key in the door and both of them jumped. Rachel in surprise, Santana to throw something over her notes on the table. She quickly took out a piece of rope and one of Kurt's scarves.

"What are you doing with rope?" hissed Rachel, her mouth dropping. "Santana-"

"Shhh," said Santana. "Unlike you, Kurt's not going to take well to hearing that he might like you from me."

Rachel snorted under her breath.

"And you're going to help."

"Why should I help you?"

Santana raised an eyebrow, reminding Rachel eerily of Kurt.

"You want a relationship out of this or not?"

Rachel glared.

"Just keep quiet then," said Santana, going over to the doorway. The brunette sat back and watched as Kurt came in the door.

"I got off an hour early," said the brown haired boy. "And I picked up some pizza." He sat down his bag and handed Santana the pizza box. "What are you two up to?"

"Oh nothing," said Santana with a grin, handing off the pizza to Rachel. "Come and sit down with us Porcelain. We were having a house chat."

"Well, if that doesn't sound serious," said Kurt sitting down in one of their kitchen chairs. "Just let me take off my jacket-"

But Kurt didn't get a chance as Santana grabbed both of his hands and tied them behind him.

"Santana!" said Kurt looking up at her, his face indignant. He tried to stand up, but found out she had tied him to the chair. She held his shoulders firm.

"Rachel, what is this? Santana, what are you do-"

But the Latina took his scarf and tied it around his mouth.

"Now sit there like a good little boy and listen," smirked Santana. "And Rachel has nothing to do with this. Well, she does, but not the tying up part."

Kurt looked at the Latina murderously.

"I'm doing this for your own good," said Santana as she went and sat back down. Kurt got to his feet and started to carefully move the chair.

"Sit," said the Latina to Kurt. "Listen for an hour, than you can berate me all you want." She took a piece of the pizza with a smile. "Thanks for dinner."

Kurt looked over to Rachel, giving her his best "what the hell is going on" look. She shrugged and took a piece of the pizza too, her eyes downcast.

_What if what Santana had noticed was true?_

She had to admit, she always had a passing feeling or two for Kurt. It wasn't like she couldn't. He was perfect. They were the exact same, often finishing each other's sentences and thoughts. But he was gay and completely out of her range.

Rachel heard Kurt make a noise behind his gag when Santana started telling Kurt about that she thought that she and Kurt liked/loved/cared for each other. He was shaking his head violently through the first ten minutes, but after that, his eyes grew sadder at every mention of what he had done. The brunette stood up abruptly and took off the gag. Rachel had to hear the truth from Kurt himself.

"Santana, you are insane," said Kurt. "There's no way Rachel- You're upsetting her over nothing."

"Over nothing?" scoffed the Latina. "This is hardly nothing."

"It's just coincidences, Santana. Rachel is my best friend. I-"

But Kurt was cut off by Rachel who had kissed him on the lips. It shocked the both of them really, not to mention Santana's eyes were about to start rolling around on the table after popping out of their sockets.

"Damn, that's some balls Berry," said Santana approvingly.

"Rachel, you-"

"Tell me the truth Kurt," said Rachel softly. "Is Santana right about this?"

He bit his lip. "I don't..." He sighed. "I don't know. I think there might be a... small grain of truth to what Santana says. It's been a little confusing."

Rachel cupped his face.

"I've always liked you," said the brunette, wiping the side of her eye with her hand. "I always have Kurt. But you've always been gay, and you've always been my rival _and_ my best friend."

"Yeah well, I am always going to be that," he said softly. He sighed. "I don't know Rachel-"

"Well, we don't we listen to the other side of my notes," said Santana. "And let Kurt hear what all Rachel has done."

"Santana-" began Rachel.

"Nope, he gets to hear both sides," said Santana. "Like you did."

"Hear both sides of what?" said Kurt.

"Oh you'll like this," grinned the Latina. "This is how much Rachel likes _you_."

_(Another hour later)_

Rachel sighed and waited for Santana to finish.

"Is she serious?" groaned Kurt.

"I'm afraid so," said Rachel, eating on her pizza.

"I'm-I'm blind apparently," said Kurt with a sigh. "Can someone untie me now? I'm hungry."

Santana grinned happily and untied Kurt's wrists as he rubbed them carefully. She gathered her notes and looked smug.

"I'm just going to keep everything and make it into a large poster for the apartment." She put all her notes and note cards in a bag and skipped off with the whiteboard towards her side of the apartment. "I'm going to take a shower!"

Kurt sighed as Rachel handed him a plate with a couple of pieces of pizza on it before setting the box on the counter. She lead him over to the couch.

"Kurt-"

"I know," said the brown haired boy. "It... it is a little weird."

"No kidding," laughed Rachel. "Santana seems to think we're meant for each other."

"Do you think she's right?"

"Considering both sides..."

"Do you think we should?" asked Kurt quietly.

"We could just ignore it."

They sat in silence for a moment. Rachel almost wished he'd say something, anything.

"I don't want to," said Kurt. He took a breath. "Ignore it I mean."

"Kurt-"

"I do like you Rachel." He laughed softly. "Never thought I'd say that out loud or admit that in front of you."

Rachel smiled. "I think in the span of the last four hours, we've both did a lot of things we never thought we'd do. Like taking dating advice from Santana and listening to her lay out every time we complimented each other and eyed one another a little too much."

"She kept very detailed notes," muttered Kurt.

"That she did," nodded Rachel.

"Where do you want to go from here Kurt?"

"First I want to finish my pizza," he said, taking a piece of artichoke off it. "Then I'd like to get some actual sleep."

"And us?"

"Slow," said Kurt. "Time... I think."

"Understandable," said Rachel. "I know-"

Kurt leaned into her and pressed his lips to Rachel's, surprising her. She kissed him back. It was one of the softest, sweetest kisses she had ever had.

"Well that isn't taking things slow," said the brunette, pushing her hair over her shoulder and smiling at him.

"I needed to do that," said Kurt, sitting back on the couch. "Or the memory of our first kiss will be me tied to a chair."

Rachel giggled. "I thought you looked cute like that."

Kurt looked appalled as he picked up a slice of his pizza.

"Do you think the only reason she did this was so we would be distracted while she invites Brittany to come live with us?"

Rachel laughed and went to the kitchen to grab the pizza box.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she did plan something that elaborate." She took another piece of pizza for herself as Kurt nibbled on his. Rachel curled up beside him. She laughed when he awkwardly moved against her.

"This is going to be weird for a while, isn't it?"

Kurt sighed and put his hand on Rachel's.

"The odd thing is that it doesn't feel awkward at all."

"Guess we are too close of friends," teased the brunette.

"That you are," said Santana, coming back through the apartment in a towel around her body and one wrapped around her hair. "By the way, Brittany's coming to visit this weekend. Thought you might like to know."

They both watched as Santana marched back all the way to her side of the apartment and closed the curtain.

Rachel groaned. "See?" She pointed her thumb in Santana's direction.

Kurt took a bite of his pizza. "You expect her to be any different? It's Santana."

"I guess it's good while some things change, some things will always be the same."

Kurt smiled at that.


End file.
